Excuse me for this, but I am not sorry. Not at all. Dhopash, well, is special. Period. And all I wish for myself and her is that I be able to give her her due attention. The right environment. The correct supplies. The proper replies to her endless baffling questions.
I know there is nothing called "perfect" in the world of parenthood, and neither am I a kind of person (or parent to be specific) who worries about what I do right, wrong or differently. I really go by my instincts, and particularly with her. There are no rules between us. If anything, we have some secret codes and games others don't know of. But that's a digression!
What I mean is, I don't want to be grammatical or anything, but I want to do everything in my capacity, or well, beyond it if need be, so that she blooms to her fullness. I do not want her to be pressurised with any sort of expectations or modelled by any kind of examples, or be shown or told what to do when she may know better. I just want that she realises her full potential and... well, that's it.
How? I don't know. I try!
(No, obsessed is not the word for me. Thank you!)
I am, well, not exactly the fittest person around. I of course won't go into details, but I wish I was more upto it. Upto everything, in general. I do not really do what all I should, I do not exactly eat or exercise of take therapies the doctors ask me to. Because they're boring, of course. But then, maybe I should be more serious. I know, I know.
Once you become a Fellow, the world opens up to you like a rose opens up to a thirsty bee! Or something of that sort, I am told. I have been told this since day 1 of my professional career, and told this as often as anyone gets a chance at it. I know, I know.
I am one paper short. For the last three years. Dhopash is 3 years too. Just saying!
But you know, studying bores me dead. It does! Particularly when Dhopash is waiting in the other room to be picked up and cuddled or be played with.
Ah. what's life without conflicts. As this.
As I said in an earlier post, I bought colours and brushes and started painting exactly a year ago. I never painted ever before, other than in junior school (Standard three, that is). Blogging, I started towards end of last year, as you can see. Other than these two, I love to recite poems and used to do that in my growing years. Here are a few samples of what I did last year on stage, just in case I still hold your attention in this endlessly stupid narcissist blabber. I recited of course after many years, ten at the least, last year.
HERE, the paintings!!
HERE, the recitations...
Life, of course, is a mix of all these I have been nagging about in the paragraphs above this, and more. I won't dare getting into a philosophical discussion here, as I, not just often but always, get lost in it. But then, possibly, I can say this in a crux -
On one hand there is balance, tight-ropes, roles to play, duties to do, responsibilities to carry out, deals to set, problems to sort, fires to fight, loves to make or break. And then, on this other hand there is this occasional itch of giving everything a candle-blow and live the heck out of life - there's just this once that we live, no? So, "why so serious?"
I don't know of anyone who has peacefully sorted the tug between these two ends, and I wouldn't either. But then if I can, make a life without causing major damage to anyone else that is, it would perhaps not be bad.
Let's see! :)